Day 3: Presidents of the United States of America had it right... Cleveland Rocks

The morning started with everyone being ready on time, a short trip ahead of us, eating Subway at 9:30 in the morning, and Jack Johnson’s “In Between Dreams” blasting into our ears. Is this heaven? No, it’s Cleveland.

We drove to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and on the way there we read a Choose your Own Adventure book. Because you asked, Harold got an operation where he got gills and lived as a member of Atlantis. He lived a happy life, but occasionally missed home. Av followed Harold’s route, lived a happy life, and never missed home. It’s weird how personalized these adventures get.

When we attempted to park by the hall of fame, we were chased from our original locale by a mustached, uniformed man. Let’s assume he works at the parking lot. As we drove on, Booch said “I hate it when mustached men tell me what to do.” “Welcome to my life…” Av empathized.

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

Here’s what could, but won’t, take place in this space:

1. A discussion on the legitimacy of the concept of a hall of fame for an art form such as music.
2. A diatribe against Bonnie Raitt’s inclusion to the hall.
3. An emotionally fond recounting of the 1960s when rock actually mattered.
4. A comment on what percentage of Rock and Roll inductees we (who consider ourselves big music fans) were completely unfamiliar with.
5. An explanation of why the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is in Cleveland.

Instead, I will ramble… seems more fun.

• There is an exhibit called “early rock and roll influences.” Every single artist listed was black
• There was a kiosk that played “500 Songs that Shaped Rock and Roll.” Abie and I searched for songs we hadn’t heard of (which turned out to be every song from the 1920s, 30s, and 40s); Av listened to “Smells Like Teen Spirit.” Never has one fact explained someone so well.
• I was informed by one plaque that “You wouldn’t want to live in a world without Louis Armstrong’s music.” That was helpful because I was on the fence about whether I’d want to live in a Satchmo-less world until that point.
• Frank Beard seems to be the only member of ZZ Top without a beard. Is it possible that his last name allowed him entry into the band? (not you, R&R Hall of Famer, The Band)
• I bring you the lead singer from Sly and the Family Stone (also in the Hall):

“I have a reputation for not showing up.”
“How’d that come to be?”
“Oh, by not showing up to a lot of things.” – I guess that quote is enough reason for entry.

• The Sex Pistols turned down the invitation to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. And they did it by writing a letter in which they insulted and cursed out the Hall. I imagine this is reproduced online somewhere. Now is probably the time for Danny to link to it from the comments.
• One final quote, and it’s from a punk rocking female I saw on video, I am not even sure who. It goes as follows (ahem) “I hope someone orgasms from my music.” I am not so ambitious. My only hope is that someone orgasms from our blog.

Lake Erie

That whole Great Lake thing is not hyperbole. Lake Erie is awesome. Captain Don took us out on the Stark family boat for some beer-accompanied boating. We then went tubing off the back of the boat. I can’t explain tubing – I am not that good a writer. If you have been then you know how enjoyable an experience it is. If you haven’t been, then call up Captain Don and catch the next flight into Cleveland.

I got a chance to go back down, and then stomach down. Stomach down was amazing, although a little difficult on certain body parts… You guys know what I mean. Yup, my arms. It’s not easy to hold your entire body with just your arms. (There is a great video of me flipping off a tube that should be coming soon to a facebook near you)

Abie then went and claimed to enjoy it, but had a completely disgusted look on his face the entire time. He looked like someone had just insulted Syrians at the same moment as he tasted dog shit.

Booch was up next and somehow the tube broke. Apparently, tubing was a Booch plan. Tubes? Where we’re going, we don’t need tubes.

This was followed by a split. Stark, Roldie, Booch and I went jet skiing. Av and Abie made there way to the lodge, Veronica style. Jet skiing was great except for three facts which will make it sound that when I just said “jet skiing was great,” I was lying. 1) I had a lot of trouble getting the key to the ignition. I need to listen to more R. Kelly 2) It was tough to drive at a steady pace. I needed cruise control, like my grandfather needed bladder control 3) The last thing was that I totally wiped out while jetskiing, sending Butch and myself careening into the Lake below. I found this great. Butch found this painful in the hand and head area.

Meanwhile… in a different part of town… Abie and Av went to the Lodge. They reported that the wall had both a bear skin and a moose head on it. Also there was a fire going in the fire place. I wasn’t there, but it’s fair to assume that Av and Abie sipped brandy, while discussing their guns and Republican politics. They also addressed themselves as “Winston” and “Mortimer.”

I am not finished with Cleveland yet, but let me just say, thanks to Stark, Cleveland was amazing. Much better than I ever could have predicted. I think it's appropriate for me to say that Cleveland is the most beautiful city we’ve been to so far. Take that Washington DC, Baltimore, Gettysburg, and Pittsburgh. Snap. Oh, Snap.

Stay tuned for a review of the Tigers-Indians game in the Jake. Meet me back at this blog in 24 hours….