Wednesday, August 22, 2007

It's Miller Time!

Miller Brewery

The opening sign was a harbinger of extremely good things to come. It told us two things: 1) The Miller Tour was free. This was exactly the right amount of money for them to charge. Good thinking. 2) It also said “Bring your ID and your LOVE for beer.” I brought my driver’s license but accidentally left my love for beer in the car. I quickly got it… and the tour was off.

The tour started with an amazingly over-the-top, cheesy video. And it all revolves around Miller Time. There are a few things you need to know about this. All of these facts were learned from video:

  1. In the Miller Brewing Company, it’s always Miller Time
  2. Miller Time is defined as “that point in the night when you see that special someone and the night goes from good to great.”
  3. How important is Miller time? “From the beginning, man has longed for Miller Time”
  4. In that sense, two facts are to be understood:
    1. Since it is always Miller Time at the Miller Brewing Company, we’ve “arrived at the epicenter”
    2. Therefore, the Miller Brewing company “is a salute to everything that’s right with your world.”
I see nothing in all of those facts that I can argue with. Well said, Miller.

We drink a lot of beer:

  • In this specific brewery (there are four other ones- some produce more) they produce 500,000 cases of beer every day. All Miller Breweries produce 53 million barrels a year. By our math, that comes out to almost 3,000,000 cases of Miller daily.
  • And they only produce beer that’s already been sold….
  • And this is only Miller, no other companies.
  • America drinks so much more beer every day than I ever would have guessed.

Other Lessons:

  • The city of Chicago consumes 40% of the 500,000 daily cases. I love Chicago.
  • The shipping department covers the size of five football fields, and can be stacked eighteen feet high.
  • The cost of beer is about 80% advertising. The actual cost of any individual beer: 10 cents.
  • At all stages until it is bottled, beer smells very very bad.
  • Sunset Wheat (Miller made) beer tastes like Fruity Pebbles
  • When we told this to the brewery guy, he said: “Oh, for sure, especially the smell”
  • As long as we all know that….

In summary, this is a shitload of beer.

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