Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Day 1 - From Teaneck to Gettysburg

The Preamble

Vegas, baby, Vegas! We’re so money we don’t even know how much money we have. This road trip is actually happening. Our bags are packed and we’re ready to go. We’re sitting here outside Butch’s door waiting for Butch. (Potential theme developing…)

Now seems like a good time to consider the trip in an overall sense. And I think the question to focus on is this: Will this road trip happen? Now, as far as whether we’ll get in a car with our stuff and drive, the 8 ball says it is decidedly so. A key has already been placed in the ignition causing the little magic fairy in the car engine to make that vroom noise, and allowing us to be moving at a speed many more mile per hour than we could on foot. (I got an A in physics). So to clarify the question- will this road trip happen successfully?

Reasons this road trip will work
Av is in charge – We have an incredibly detailed itinerary. I didn’t know this until this morning but he has a folder with details about every where we’re going. He has all phone numbers, has bought tickets, and made all arrangements already. He has made it so that this trip is almost impossible to fail.

Reasons this road trip won’t work
The rest of us are on the trip – I am irresponsible (for explanation: see - my life), Abie will probably be no help aside from waving his arms awkwardly. Harold is currently in the back seat sleeping. This will happen a lot. He has also taken all the pillows with him. Butch is stretching in his seat and has already suggested one Butch Plan – driving straight to Vegas. Also, the theme…

If God (read: Av) created a rock of a road trip that no one could break, could we then cause it to fail? Later into this blog, we will get to “why do bad things happen to good people”

On the way to Washington D.C...

We got bagels for breakfast and lunch today. The following are the bagel orders:
Abie – Everything bagel with butter, Everything bagel with butter
Av – Cinnamon Raisin bagel with cream cheese, Everything bagel with tuna
Butch – Whole Wheat bagel with nothing on it, Everything bagel with nothing on it
Etan – Cinnamon Raisin bagel with cream cheese, Cinnamon Raisin bagel with cream cheese
New Harold – no breakfast, Everything bagel with tuna

Av bought chocolate milk, Abie made chocolate milk in Butch’s house and then spilled it on himself in the car.
This is the kind of attention to detail that you have come to expect from us. You’re Welcome.

First Song played in the car: Mr. Brownstone by Guns n’ Roses. That was perfectly rocking in many ways. Amazingly, we got up around seven, and got out of bed around nine. If we run into someone named Mr. Brownstone later, insane Foddy.

Halfway to D.C. (or so). Laugh Count: 3

A joke about Rain X, and Wind X, and windex (we actually used Rain X on the car this morning. Look it up.)
A joke about keeping a laugh count
“remember that time we were on a road trip”

all future laughs may go unreported…

Itinerary item #1 was a tour of the capital in D.C. scheduled for two o’clock. We will not be getting to the tour. In the history of our road trip we have never made it to an itinerary item. By Av’s mom logic, we are destined for an 0-for-the trip.

The reason for our delay is obvious to anyone who has ever made this travail: Delaware. Delaware traffic, as it is wont to do, kicked our ass. Delaware is the worst state. I know it, you know it, and Wayne’s World knows it. In Survivor: State Edition, Delaware gets voted off this country first (assuming it doesn’t win the Immunity Challenge) [Because you were wondering, the car’s consensus on which states get voted off goes 1.Delaware 2.Arkansas 3.Oklahoma 4.West Virginia 5.Kansas 6.Mississippi 7.Alabama 8.North Dakota 9.New Jersey 10. Oregon. Rhode Island lives another week]

I called the office to let them know we weren’t going to make it.
“Yeah, we got stuck in traffic” I said…
“I blame the entire state of Delaware” I explained.
“Oh, you’re from there, originally?”

Stop #1 – The Baltimore Harbor

We decided to go to the Baltimore Harbor because 1- we had heard of it and know it’s nice, and when we realized we weren’t going to the capital, we were looking in the Garmin for what to do and we found something called “The Top of the World.” The top of the world seemed like a fine destination for the first day of a road trip. Just the right amount of ambition on that one.

As we pulled up, the Garmin kept on insisting we were “approaching the top of the world.” The excitement was so high that we didn’t even mind forking over the four dollar fee. The top of the world is less expensive than you might think.

Well, it wasn’t actually the top of the world. I know this because in a 28 floor building, the “top of the world” is located on floor 27. So, the “top of the world” is not even the top of the building. On the way down, the elevator did not take us to the bottom of the world. Nor was there any word as to where the bottom of the world may be located. We’ll keep searching…

We also saw an exhibit with famous Baltimorians (Boaltimorites-?, Baltimorans-?). The following people were listed: Three members of the Ripken family (2 named Cal), Frederick Douglass (who has an awesome beard), Nancy Pelosi (who knew?), Johnny Unitas, Edgar Allan Poe, and the guy who does the voice for Elmo. All of those seem equally important.

There was also a match game about famous Baltimore things/ landmarks/ people. Don’t make my mistake! Hint for anyone who plays the game in the future: the clue “water, brush, pumice soap and elbow grease” is not ‘Star Spangled banner’ or ‘Billie Holiday.’ It’s actually ‘marble soap scrubbing supplies’ good to know.

Overall – the Baltimore Harbor is a beautiful area. I can’t tell you one detail that made it great, but the area is fantastic. It’s a wonderful place to walk around on a gorgeous Monday in August. There is also a boat there named “The Rusty Scupper.” I think that ranks below “Horny Buffalo Muffin” and above “The Rotating Starfish” on the list of fictional sexual moves.

Dinner in Silver Spring

Something insane happened here that was the highlight of the day. It involves Danny Groner, shtick in a box, a surreptitious delivery, references to a scene in the Usual Suspects and Seven, Washington Post reporter Amy Orndorff, and the entire Starbucks franchise. But that section remains to be told on its own tomorrow. It is that good. Stay tuned. If I was wearing more on my head than a cap, I would doff it currently.

The drive to and the night in DC

On the highway we saw a sign on a truck that says “How’s my driving? Compliments or Complaints 301 306 6730” So Abie called and left the following message “I’ve been driving behind truck 214 for a while now and he’s been doing a fine job, so I hope you keep that in mind moving forward.”

The night in DC was fantastic. We saw the White House, The Lincoln Memorial, the World War II Memorial, and the Washington Monument.

A few quick reactions because it’s incredibly late and we have to get up for Gettysburg tomorrow:

  • Washington is beautiful at night. Everything is lit perfectly and everything is pristine
  • World War II memorial is amazing. You can tewll that it’s a newer design, but it’s beautiful.
  • We ran into Phantom at the WW II memorial. He left us with an excited cheer for “San Diego 2011.” He pays attention just enough to get the city right, not enough to get the year. Well done, Phantom.
  • I think I was inspired by the Lincoln memorial.

That last bit makes sense, but raised the following question in my mind: Do I get less inspiration form these things because I am Jewish and I am trained to look to other structures and edifices for guidance and hope? Either way, I wish I could have read his second inaugural address over and over.

I’m wrapping up day 1 now (its late, and Gettysburg beckons early tomorrow) with a feature I may update as we go along: Possible nicknames procured on the road trip
Etan – Princess
Abie- Teabag

As always, no explanation.
EB. Gettysburg, Pa.


Student of The Game said...

Day 1 - Meanwhile...

* Without key people on my gchat list (well, 3 key people and 2 infrequent chatters), I actually got some work done.

* A stellar issue of TWID was published, and pretty quickly, too. I forgot to include standings. Oops.

* Brooke Astor died. She waited till you were on the road, the grande dame.

* It's not that the Yankees don't lose; I think we've reached the point where they simply can't -- it's not possible.

* Joba Chamberlain has leaped into 3rd on the most-hated Yankee list (behind A-Rod and Clemens) thanks to a) the fact that he was drafted last year and is already being treated by fans and media as a modern-day Bob Gibson; b) the fact that he was drafted last year and already looks any pitcher the Mets drafted in recent years; c)his Rocker-esque gyrations after finishing an inning; d) "What a Job-a by Joba!" I did not make that quote up. You can figure out its author.

* Weeds is back, still awesome.

Nice reporting, Ace. Keep 'em coming.

Danny the Manny said...

Today is just us waving hats at each other.

Student of The Game said...

Why is this blog in pacific time? Did you mix up the Valpo Indiana Daylight Savings Time thing again?

Danny the Manny said...


You fail to recognize the intracacies of the blog. They're moving westward. This way as the time zones change, the blog is unaffected by the difference.

More important question is whether this blog will be turned into the CC. The car is the Commissioner out with two broken hands and an exhaust pipe. Ace has stepped up. The BiMus of the group is clearly the laptop they've brought along. As for the rest, it's like a Highlights Magazine - spot Booch, Hal, Abe and Avo somewhere around the inside and outside of the car. Round and round it goes, where it stops, no one knows.

Abracadabra, I wanna reach out agrab ya,


Student of The Game said...

I understand the westword (ho?) movement of the trip will ultimately present more time-space continuum challenges than the great Emmitt Brown (Committed) ever could have dreamed of. However, there's no question that at the current point in the journey (Steve Perry > Abie Rotenberg?) they are in no position to begin playing with time zone differential. I mean, Gettysburg? Wasn't the Civil War enough? This was clearly a mistake by someone who set up a blog without being familiar with the "settings" tab; whereas there are 2 formerly fine fellows aboard, Ace, as far as I know, is new to the Game. This is fine for now, just don't be That Guy that posts after the game but thanks to timestamps makes it look like he predicted the outcome.

Where it stops we all know, Dan. There's an itinerary posted above.

Danny the Manny said...

Title: Road Trip Redux

Setting: Gettysburg in the rain. Date: August 14, 2007. Five road trippers packed into a borrowed minivan.

A play of one act.

Hal: "What else am I supposed to do, stay here and learn?"
Ace: "Well, there are these rules that guys have, an understanding as to what exactly constitutes cheating. Take your situation for example: it's not cheating. It's never cheating when you're in a different area code, not to mention a different state."
Av: "Yep. I'd give us about 20 minutes before our first ass-raping."
Booch: "Unleash the fury!"
Abe: "Did you kill a cheetah?"
Hal: "Hey, it's 10 feet. Bob Hope could jump this in his golf cart. See, watch, I can spit across it."
Ace: "Did I say two fingers? Better make that three."
Av: "Are there any guys out there who are JUST NORMAL?"

Student of The Game said...

It's 8:04 here, and I'm guessing Phil Rizzuto dies today.

Seriously, though, two things bother me about Rirruto (those are z's) scooting up to the big holy cow in the sky. One is because in my first post I was deciding what to say after "Brooke Astor died" and I actually wrote "I now expect a points death every day during the trip" but decided to erase it. Damn! And also, because the Yanks were throwing Jeff Karstens tonight I thought maybe, just maybe, they could lose for a change. But now there will be a 30 minute Scooter tribute, another black armband, a juiced Stadium, and everyone stepping up their game to win one for Scooter. Bastards!

YK said...

"Superheroes Museum?" Is that like Superman/Batman/Green Lantern or George Washington/Abe Lincoln/George W. Bush?

Yassi said...

I dunno. That internet connection seemed a little easy to get a hold of by Ace. And missing the Capitol tour...waaay too predictable. I say someone should check out a certain Sinensky basement in Teaneck for five man-childs drinking beer and watching re-runs of the Gilmore Girls as they Go After Cacciato on this road trip (please tell me someone has read that and gets that reference).

In either case, I'm looking forward to the next post.

Please, no posting Sterling quotes here, once is enough for me. And how clutch is Jeter? Did you see that bouncer? Could he have placed it more perfectly? Also, to be fair to Joba Chamberlain, he actually has a lower ERA than Bob Gibson, so let's not give Bob too much credit. Plus, Gibson had 6 more inches on the mound. Come to think of it, how could you even make that comparison? Must be a Mets fan;)

Kidding aside, hope you guys have a great time at PNC. For your sake, I'll be rooting for my boy El Duque. The word "baffling" should be retired after he hangs 'em up.


Bored in Brooklyn