I Fell In Love Again, All Things Go..

...Drove to Chicago...

• We got into Chicago on Sunday night and having not eaten any real food all day, found the only kosher place known to be open late at night. We saw it in the distance and parked in front, only to find that the door was locked. There were people inside who all motioned that they were closed. We were too hungry to give in, so we called the number on the door and after some pleading and relaying our sob story, we were allowed in. We then proceeded to gorge ourselves with pizza, fries, and nachos, and in Butch's case, pea soup and tuna.
• Monday morning, Butch and I went for a jog along the shore of Lake Michigan. They have a "dog beach" there. Humans are permitted provided they are kept on a leash.
• We spent the afternoon in downtown Chicago, which is a positively beautiful city. I immediately noticed the very different and what I thought was very cool architecture of many of the buildings downtown. Ushi later informed us that Chicago is known for its modern classical architecture. I was very impressed with myself for noticing this on my own.
• We visited Millenium Park, which is host to a bunch of various large tsatskes, including an awesome inverted reflecting metal statue thingie that turns into an amazing fun house mirror when you get close to it. Butch and I thought it was insanely cool. Ushi deemed it to be trite and artistically insignificant.
• We then visited the adjacent Grant Park, where we celebrated Obama's election victory. (We repeatedly yelled "Obama!" and "change!" while pumping our fists in the air.) It was awesome. I asked a park employee if Obama was there now and he said "No, but he was there yesterday." Unclear if he was actually there or if this guy was so high on crack that he thought it was still the day after Election Day.
• On our way out of the park, we saw a group of people playing what appeared to be softball, only they were playing with a ball double the size and much softer than a softball and none of the fielders were wearing gloves. It looked incredibly fun. I inquired about it and was told that this was "Chicago-style" softball. I would love to organize a game of this as soon as I get back...who's in?
• If you are interested in hearing the plot to a movie Ushi and Butch devised in which Arnold Schwarzenegger plays the lone loyal secret service agent amongst a corrupted agency intent on framing him for an assassination attempt against Barack Obama that in fact is being planned from inside the secret service, please consult one of them. It didn't make any sense to me. (Also, he may be from the future. Butch and Ushi disagree on this point.)
  
  

Wrigley Field- Chicago Cubs vs. Houston Astros

• We got 3 bleachers seats but weren't able to find 3 seats in close proximity until the 3rd inning. I brought a sandwich and ate it once I was seated. I heard the people next to me whispering and snickering, saying something to the effect of "is he here for dinner or
  for a ballgame?" They had a similar reaction when I checked my blackberry. Ok, fine, so they are real elitist baseball purists, I get it (although I think eating is a normal activity at a baseball game, but that's just me.) This is what I assumed until 2 innings later when the
  cheesy Cubs photographer came around and they posed for a picture together. That could have been excusable if not for the fact that an inning after that, I heard one of them politely explain the strategy of intentionally walking the 8th hitter with the pitcher on deck and 1st base open to his confused friend. WTF?
• In the 4th inning, Derek Lee hit a solo HR to left field. By standing on my seat in the last row of the lf bleachers, i was able to see the ball clear the fence and land on Waveland Avenue, where it was retrieved a young child. This child has already led a more exciting life than most human beings.
• In the top of the 8th inning, Aaron Heilman entered the game as a relief pitcher for the Cubs. I booed loudly for most of the first at bat he pitched. Nobody else seemed to join in. I assume that some time this fall, Heilman will ruin the Cubs' season and those fans near me will say "ah, that's why that guy was booing 2 months ago."
• In the bottom of the 8th inning, Astros' pitcher Latroy Hawkins was tossed for arguing balls and strikes. As he exited the field, the crowd chanted "you suck" as Astros' leftfielder Carlos Lee danced along to the beat.
• At some point, the left field bleachers started chanting "right field sucks," ostensibly taunting their fellow Cubs fans who were seated in the opposite bleachers. I don't think I have ever seen anything like this at a sporting event in my life.
  
• In the bottom of the 9th, the Cubs had the bases loaded with 1 out and Mike Fontenot at the plate. Piniella called for the suicide squeeze, Fontenot waived at it, and the runner coming home was a dead duck. Fontenot then hit a deep fly to center that would have easily won the game, but it was caught to end the inning. Same 'ol Cubs, but free
  baseball for us.
• If the Cubs ever build a new stadium (and they will one day, traditionalists
  be damned), they should incorporate the adjoining rooftops into the
  structure of the new park.
• Speaking of those rooftops, one of the roofs in right field has a sign that reads "eamus catuli" and below it "AC0063100." Through a little research, we learned that the former is Latin for "go little bear" or more simply, "go cubs." The latter stands for "after championship" and the subsequent numbers recount the number of years since the Cubs last won a division (0), pennant (63), and world series (100), respectively. Will we see "AC000000" in our lifetime?
• In the bottom of the 11th inning, Alfonso Soriano hit a weak grounder down the 3rd base line and thinking it was foul (he said later that it hit his foot), did not run. He was easily thrown out and was booed loudly for his lack of hustle. So we see that Cubs fans know how to boo, just not how to boo Aaron Heilman.
• Soriano got a quick chance to redeem himself, however, as in the bottom of the 13th he blasted a walk-off grand slam to give the Cubs a dramatic 5-1 victory...Hey Chicago, what do you say? The Cubs are gonna win today!!! Go Cubs go!!

The only downside of the free baseball we had been awarded, is that it resulted in us arriving at our next destination -- Dubuque, Iowa -- very late at night. We crossed the Mississippi River at 3am, reminiscing about the days of yore, a time in this land's history when doing so was genuinely a historic accomplishment, yet still being thoroughly satisfied with ourselves for making it this far.

Gentlemen, Start Your Engines

We have experienced our first act of spontaneity and with it, our first change in schedule to our road trip itinerary. As you may have inferred from the end of the previous post, we were supposed to go to Detroit on Sunday, where we planned to attend a Tigers game and perhaps buy some real estate. However, over the course of our Shabbat in Beachwood, we were informed that there would be a Nascar race taking place in Indianapolis on Sunday, a mere 5 hours away. We quickly agreed to ditch Detroit in favor of what we anticipated would be a once in a lifetime, real American experience.

• We spent the night in a small motel in Richmond, Indiana, about an hour away from Indianapolis. We were warned on the phone that it was going to be very loud there because a baseball team was staying there for the night. We were a little excited for this for about half a second until we remembered that this was a $70 a night motel in the middle of nowhere Indiana. The baseball team staying there was probably not going to be the Cubs.
• We awoke to a continental breakfast of cereal, coffee, and not much else. The following conversation actually occured...
  Ushi: What type of milk do I normally use?
  Me: How should I know? What color is the carton usually?
  Ushi: I think red.
  Me: Well that is typically whole milk, but that surprises me...
  Ushi: Oh, well I think it might be some type of organic brand, but I'm not sure
  Butch: Are you serious? How can you not know what type of milk you drink at home?
  Ushi: Oh, well I'm sorry I'm not some sort of milk expert like you guys.
  
  Apparently Butch and I would be wise to switch career paths and tap into our vast milk expertise and take that show on the road. More importantly, we learned that Ushi has never purchased a carton of milk in his entire life.

The Allstate 400 at the Brickyard

• I am sometimes jealous (at least in theory, but not really) of the people that live in smaller cities. They have one or two sports teams and when they host events, the entire city gets taken over by it. In New York, if a local team is a contender, half the city is probably rooting against them, and a good portion of the city is too preocuppied with other activities to care. Yesterday was probably one of the 3 biggest days of the year in Indianapolis and the race's presence was felt in every square inch of the city that we passed through.
• There was limited parking in the actual Speedway, so the people who lived nearby, starting 2 or 3 miles away in both directions, converted their front lawns into parking lots. The prices ranged from $50 right across from the Speedway to $10 a few miles away. We opted for a convenient, but not too pricey $20 lawn.
• Perhaps the best aspect of this experience that puts these races way ahead of other events in this regard, is that they let you bring in your own food and drinks, and as much of it as you want. People wheeled in giant coolers filled with beer, sandwiches, and who knows what else. We entered with bags of chips and cheese curls and a 12-pack of PBR.
• The first thing you notice as soon you walk in is the sheer vastness of the Speedway (we had to take a tram to get from the entrance to our seats because it was too far to walk) and the incredible volume of people that are there. Officially, the capacity of the venue is 400,000 people. Attendance was evidently way down from last year (apparently even Nascar races aren't recession proof), but still, there is something about 200,000 or so people joining together in a common purpose that gives even things you might think are dumb tremendous cultural significance. This is what we were there to witness.
• We made it to our seats moments after the green flag was dropped by Indiana Pacers' rookie Tyler Hansborough. As the cars came around the corner, they seemed to be moving pretty slowly and nobody seemed that excited. I asked the guy next to me if this was some sort of practice lap. He told me that they do 3 warm-up laps before they start the actual race. "Don't worry," he said. "You'll know when they're going for real."
• And we did. There are two basic words in the English language that you can't fully comprehend until you have been to one of these races.
• The first word is "fast." When they kicked into gear and came around that first corner, those cars were moving faster than anything I have ever seen moving in my entire life. The official gun in the center of the track clocked them ranging from 130-150 MPH, but our quick math (average of about 50 seconds a lap on a 2.5 mile track) yield a speed upwards of 170 MPH. The official qualifying speeds corroborate our version.
• The second word is "loud." I have been to loud football games, rock concerts, airports, on 96th street at night, you name it. But when those cars pass by it gets so loud, not only can't you talk, you can't think. Initially this wasn't a big deal because of the 50 seconds that comprise a lap, the cars zoom by for about 15-20 seconds from the leading car to last place and then you have about a 30 second break before they come around to you again. However, as the race goes on and the pack spreads out, this break is eliminated. There is a constant loudness as literally every 2 seconds another car zips by.
• Laps 30-130 (of 160 in total) are pretty boring. We moved into a grass area in the center of the track, where you could lay out about 15 feet from the track. We wanted to fit in, so we removed our shirts for a little bit. For Butch, this was normal procedure for outdoor events.
• When the race was nearing its end, we decided to move to the stretch of the track near the finish line so that we could watch the exciting conclusion live and in person. I was a little surprised that we were able to do this so easily, as there were plenty of open seats. I was more surprised that nobody else was trying to do this. Evidently, people in Indiana don't know about "moving to better seats."
• Congratulations to Jimmie Johnson, winner of the 16th annual Allstate 400 at the Brockyard, and the 1st racer to win it in back to back years. We learned in the parking lot on the way out that he is also a very prominent child molester. We have no way of knowing if this is true.
• If you ever find yourself in a position to attend one of these races, do not pass it up. It is an extremely fun and cool experience that is worth doing once in your life. I don't plan on ever attending another one in my life but making it to one was very worthwhile and was an experience I don't think I will soon forget.
  
  
  

Cleveland Easy Listens

Yes, that's right. See, Cleveland does not rock. That expression is a misrepresentation. Now, it's not terrible, but "rocks" is a stretch. We thought "Easy Listening" was a more accurate musical metaphor.

Our main stop in Cleveland was the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

• Among the 1st things we saw when we walked was a newly furbished memorial/tribute to the late Michael Jackson. And here I thought one of the primary purposes of this trip was to get away and avoid all things Michael Jackson for at least one day.
• Part of the tribute was the following quote from Usher, who like Jackson also sings musical songs: "I would not be the artist, performer, and philanthropist I am today without the influence of Michael." First of all, fuck you Michael Jackson. Secondly, philanthropist? Michael Jackson's influenced Usher to become a big philanthropist? Are you sure you meant "philanthropist"? Are you sure you didn't mean "child molester."
• We wondered where the term "rolling stone" originated. We were able to identify 4 uses off the top of our heads: 1. The Rolling Stones 2. Rolling Stone magazine 3. "Like a Rolling Stone," by Bob Dylan 4. "Papa Was a Rolling Stone," by The Temptations. So, where did it start? Are any or all of these referencing each other or are they each referencing something else entirely or are none of them referencing anything?
• Featured in an exhibit about the decrying response to the rock movement and its counterculture was the following quote, attributed to a San Antonio councilman: "The 1st Amendment should not apply to rock and roll." Which is weird because rock songs are probably the main things shouted in crowded theaters. The craziest thing about this quote is when it was said. You would probably guess the 60s, right? You would be wrong. 1985! Way before Nirvana! Hadn't people given in and accepted this whole "crazy kids with their loud music" by 1985? Apparently everyone but one San Antonio councilman had.
• One of the exhibits had juxtaposed pictures of Chris Brown and Rhianna performing in concert. Problem #1: Chris Brown and Rhianna= rock stars? I think not. Problem #2: Seems the R&R HOF missed the whole Chris Brown beating the shit out of Rhianna extravaganza.
• I liked this Bob Marley quote: "One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain." Now, Chris Brown, on the other hand...
• We watched a 40 minute movie that had excerpts from Woodstock. This movie was terrible and made the festival seem very bad. Every other movie or feature I have ever seen about Woodstock has made it seem like the most amazing 3 days in the hisotry of the world. I can only conclude that the title of this movie was "Woodstock: The Worst 40 Minutes."

After the Hall of Fame, we did everything else fun there was to do in downtown Cleveland. This took 0.08 seconds. Actually, that's an exaggeration. Those extra 0.08 seconds were totally fabricated. Hence, the whole "Cleveland does not rock" declaration above. We walked around aimlessly looking for something cool to do or look at. We even asked a local "is there anything fun to do in Cleveland?" She responded without any words, but rather merely with a bemused facial expression that implied she had never heard the words "fun" and "Cleveland" used so close to each other. Turns out we are not the first people to realize that Cleveland is lame. These guys filmed an elaborate documentary on the subject. Then, they filmed a sequel. "Cleveland: we're not Detroit!" Can't wait to visit Detroit on Sunday!

Update on our battle with law enforcement: we visited the Beachwood municipal court to see if we could expedite the process and find a way to take care of the ticket without appearing before a judge. We left a message with the magistrate judge, asking for leniency. We got back word that the judge was so horrified and offended when he heard that we had been speeding 30 miles over the limit, that he could not accept a plea that didn't include the following terms: Butch would have to pay $300 and accept a suspended jail sentence of 2 days that would be enforced against him if he is caught speeding any time in the next 6 months. Butch did not accept this deal. We will keep you updated as events continue to unfold.

Argument of the Day

What makes a game a "perfect game"? Should it count as a perfect game if a pitcher throws 9 perfect innings but is then pulled when the game goes into extra innings? Is pitching 9 perfect innings a perfect game or do you have to finish the whole game? If so, what if a pitcher comes in at the beginning of the 2nd inning and then pitches 9 perfect innings? How about if someone pitcher 5 perfect innings in a rain-shortened game?

Departure

• I am always amazed at how despite planning for hours, days, or months leading up to a trip, it seems like we always find ourselves running late and scrambling at the last minute. We were planning to take a 3:00pm bus out of Port Authority to Scranton, PA (more on that later.) The bus company advised being there 30 minutes before and we still had to buy tickets, so I figured it made sense to leave no later than 2:00pm. At 1:50pm, Butch was in my apartment, saying he was going to just “run back home and take a quick shower” and then he would be ready to go. Wonderful. At 2:02pm, I received a text from Ushi, saying “running a little late, can we do 2:10 instead?” More wonderful. We ended up getting a ride to the bus station with Ushi’s lovely wife and made it to our bus with minutes to spare, Butch running through the streets of Manhattan with a cooler propped up on top of his rolling suitcase and Ushi laughing like a drunken hyena, for the home stretch.
• The area where tracks 1-50 in the Port Authority Bus Terminal is located looks less like New York than any other part of New York
• Butch brought a “deck” of cards for the trip. It was missing 3 cards.
• Right before we departed, I noticed that we were on bus # 815. All I’ll say is that if we disappear for 3 months and they claim they found us at the bottom of a trench in the ocean, don’t believe it for a second.
• Butch ended up seated right behind me next to a girl from Stroudsburg, who engaged him in a long conversation as soon as she sat down. I only heard bits and pieces of what they were discussion but to me, she seemed extremely dumb. (Butch later confirmed her dumbness.) 43 minutes into the trip (how do I know it was exactly 43 minutes? You’ll find out soon…) a man a few rows behind us begins shouting at Butch and his lady friend that he was trying to sleep and that he didn’t “care where you went on vacation or when you went to Papa John’s.” (For the record, I also didn’t care about these things, I’m not just not mentally unstable.) He said that he had been up since 5 in the morning and that the last thing he needed was to hear her “yakkity yak for 43 minutes.” When the girl replied that she had been up since 3am and was just fine, the man suggested that perhaps this was because of her cocaine use. Many profanities were exchanged back and forth, much to the enjoyment of the rest of the bus passengers.
• Several minutes later, the emergency exit window that spanned the rows Butch and I (and the girl) were sitting in, flung open as we made a wide turn. We suspect the involvement of the crazy man from the previous bullet point.
• Oh ya, why were we on a bus instead of driving? For some reason, renting a car from Scranton is about $600 cheaper than renting one from NY.
• When we got to the car rental place, Ushi tried to pay for it unsuccessfully with two different credit cards, both of which were declined. We can expect many jokes over the next couple of weeks about Ushi being poor and unable to pay for things.
• In Scranton, we visited a couple landmarks from the hit TV show, The Office. One of these was the “Scranton Welcomes You” sign that is seen in the opening credits. Surprisingly, this sign is located not on the side of the road but in a mall. Apparently, this is because too many people were getting into accidents as they attempted to take pictures of the sign as they drove by, so the town moved the sign to a mall. Apparently, Scrantonians are idiots. I really hope when I get back to NY, the Empire State Building hasn’t been moved to inside a mall.
• Last road trip, it was not until a few days in that we got pulled over by law enforcement. This time, it took the better part of the day. The worst part of it is that we were about a mile from our final destination, about to exit the highway, when it happened. The asshole cop even took the time to point out the irony of this situation. Were we speeding? Probably. Did the officer have to be a total douchebag about it, though? Certainly not. The worser part of it, is that after giving us a citation, he made it seem like if we had merely owned up to speeding and shown some contrition, he would have let us go, but since we made excuses and said we didn’t realize how fast we were going, he had no choice. In my opinion, this man was an asshole. (Butch’s note: This was in fact my first ticket ever. The one other time I had been pulled over for speeding I acted real dumb and pretended to be lost and the guy felt bad and let me off with a warning. Tickets were the one exception to me extreme disbelief in superstitions, I never ever mentioned the fact that I had not yet gotten a ticket because I was sure that if I did I would get one that very day.)

Argument of the Day
This is the 1st in what I hope will be a recurring series on this trip, entitled “argument of the day,” in which we will share the best argument that occurred that day on the trip. As road trips naturally lend themselves to lively debate and discussion, we expect to have much material to include in this segment. We would love this opportunity to take our arguments to the web and let our readers weigh in.

Was Elaine a slut?

Points to consider: She is not as bad as Jerry, but she does seem to have a revolving door of men in her life. How long, on average, are we supposed to assume she has been “dating” these men that we are introduced to? On a larger scale, how long of a period of time is the show purporting to represent? Is she in relationships with most of these men or are any of these “flings?” Does the facts that she “yada yadas” sex tell us anything about her attitude towards it? To what extent can we assume sex is taking place off screen when we don’t see it or are told about it? What should we make of Jerry’s offhanded remark about her, when he says “who are any of her guys?” to George? What about her co-worker’s labeling of her as a “floozy?” (Just so you know, this argument lasted close to two hours and who knows how much longer it would have lasted had we not been pulled over.)

The Louisville Slugger Factory and Museum

First, 39 words of explanation: Baseball is a sport, a type of athletic competition. Bats are used to play baseball. Louisville Sluggers is a brand of bat. 62% of MLB players use this particular brand of bat. Hence, Louisville Sluggers are important to baseball.

The factory is the anti-Miller Brewing factory. It is much smaller than you would ever think. The entire Slugger factory is in one room. All bats made for Major League Baseball are made on one machine. (whose machine? MY machine) It seems like Louisville Slugger should have graduated from this setup somewhere around 1950.

Also- part of the old school feel of the factory... You walk right through the factory on the tour. There are no glass partitions or dividers of any kind. You can pretty much walk directly up to any of the machines.

How do those machines work? The machines make a bat in 30 seconds flat. They also have a machine for commemorative and personalized bats. In our tour guides words: "If somebody famous comes to town, we get them a bat." They make bats for the hall of fame, world series, and presidents. One bat we viewed was designed for the host of this reverse game show. What is Jeopardy?

They burn all the writing on wood bats directly into the bat off of a hot template. In fact, in the factory, they have all of the autographs of every major league player who has ever used a Louisville Slugger. This is awe inspiring and colossal... but it is kept in this tiny mail-room type cabinet. It's basically the genie in Aladdin: Cosmic powers, itty bitty living space. The cabinet, however, is not voiced by Robin Williams.

A few words about the Museum:

• It's very interactive, and one particularly cool thing is "Batter Up!" which shows you the delivery of a particular pitcher and the actual speed at which his fastball comes. Hint: they're fast.
• They also have an exhibit with some attempted bat redesigns through the years. Some of my favorites were the double knob bat (designed for choking up), the bent handle bat (designed to increase torque), and the counter weight bat (which has a gigantic handle, and is supposed to balance your swing).
  
• Outside of the museum, they have what appears to be Paul Bunyan's bat. It's a bat, standing on its side that must be six stories high. or so. I am not really sure how tall a story is. It's tall. just take my word for it.

I leave you with one last quote from Hank Aaron:
"The pitcher's only got a ball; I've got a bat." Let awesome quotes like that be reason number 7,832 we root for Aaron over Bonds.

By the way... now I have a bat. A miniature one that they give out on the tour... so if you've only got a ball, watch out.

My Old Kentucky Home

A few preliminary words about Louisville: One thing is that the “Quality Inn” in Louisville is apparently an ironic name. The second thing to know is that it’s hotter than a tea kettle in a sauna here today (sorry about that- the southern effect on me…) It’s 100 degrees everywhere we went today.

Churchill Downs – The home of the Kentucky Derby

This place is surprisingly elegant for a sports venue. Actually, it’s elegant for a house. It’s surrounded by gardens and the outside porch looks like it belongs to a Savannah mansion. I could see someone named Ella Mae enjoying a mint julep out there. In fact, we enjoyed some mint juleps. Mint juleps are the famous drink of the Kentucky derby, and here is the recipe: bourbon (a lot) and some mint. Ice makes it cold.

Churchill Downs was very similar to the Indy Speedway museum of yesterday in that it seemed like it would be breathtaking… if you cared about the sport. Which we didn’t. As it was it was pretty great.

Other parts of the grounds:

• They keep a retired horse on the grounds. There’s a sign that says “Caution: Horse may bite.” Yeah horse… well, I might bite, so – step off.
• We didn’t have any beefarino to feed the horse
• Speaking of horses on the grounds. Four Kentucky Derby winning horses are buried at Churchill Downs. Barbaro was nowhere to be found, though.
• All Kentucky Derby winners’ names are on plaques on the walls surrounding the racetrack. That’s 1875 winners- 2007. Am I crazy or is that a lot of years? That’s a lot of years!
• The track itself is just dirt/ mud. I am not sure why I would expect it to be any more than that, but somehow I did.
• The seats in the stands, even the track-side seats, are just regular metal folding chairs. Attending the Kentucky Derby gets you that same level of comfort that shalosh seudos in Darchei Noam gets you.

There are a few other things I think you want to know:

• They measure horses by 4 inch lengths called “hands.” Good to know that somewhere the tefach is alive and well.
• 100 of the 133 Kentucky Derby winning horses are from Kentucky. Kentucky is to the Derby, as Kenya is to the New York marathon.
• 156,000 people attend the derby. 100,000 of those stand on the “infield,” the inner circle of the track. There is also 25 million dollars in betting that day. If I was a hick from Kentucky… I’d get involved in at least one of those two.

Overall, the Derby seems like a great event, the museum and tour are fun, and the mint juleps are a little too alcoholic. Churchill Downs, however, goes down just right.

20 Hours in America

Indiana is the most random place on earth. It edges out Pee Wee’s Playhouse by one ear of corn. Accordingly (and because I should go to sleep), I am going to try to breeze through the day’s highlights in a much quicker fashion than normal.

Giant Woman’s Leg Sundial
That was what was typed on our itinerary. I was not sure whether this was a giant statue of a woman’s leg that was used as a sundial, a giant woman who posed her leg for the greater time-giving-based-on-the-sun good, or a regular woman who happens to have a gigantic leg, who happens to pose that leg in sundial formation, in Indiana.

It turns out it was the first option (but again- Indiana… random… all possible) and it was a giant statue. But there is one detail of the statue we have not quite shared yet…

It’s in a nudist colony.

Yeah, a nudist colony. A colony of nudes.

We had no idea what to expect when we went into this place, but one thing we were pretty confident about: this was the beginning to a movie. We weren’t sure whether it would be a porn movie or a horror movie, but that someone was filming us was undeniable.

As it turned out – the morning was pretty bleak and stormy meaning two things: 1) There was no sun to shine through to be potentially dialed. 2) We did not see any naked people. This, by the way, worked out very well for us, based on all the clothed people we saw.

The most naked thing there was the giant sundial. It was voluptuous and tempting. It showed just enough leg to make me wonder what is covered underground.

Indianapolis Motor Speedway – Quick hits:

• The Speedway is much longer than other sports stadiums. I will learn that this is because the track itself is two and a half miles long. Now you have learned it.
• The parking lot for the museum is located smack in the middle of the racing track. That’s awesome. I know, I was there.
• There is an actual sign on the door to the museum that says: “Shirt and Shoes Required.” I guess they’re not actually providing a service in the classical sense, so they needed a variation on the sign.
• The track is nicknamed the brickyard because its original paving was done in brick. The start/ finish line is still in brick to this day. Honestly… who would think driving on brick is a good idea?
• The stands are interesting. I would say that there’s really no such thing as a bad seat. All the seats are close to the track, but the downside of the track’s length is that no one can see the whole race, you can only see what’s in front of you. The other downside about the stands is that if you are in them, you are watching auto racing.
• The custom of drinking milk starter with race winner Louis Meyer who drank buttermilk, not to celebrate his victory, but because it was hot out and that’s what he drank to refresh himself. This confuses me. It is my understanding that in situation where it is so damn hot, milk is a bad choice.
• Race cars used to be shaped like penises. I can’t explain it better. Look it up.
• The first race cars went ten, ten miles per hour. And usually when they were pulled over they went to the side of the track, not the middle.
• There are only three races a year that take place on the Speedway; Seems like a waste is all I’m saying.

NCAA Hall of Champions

• It’s located in this one great area in downtown Indianapolis. There is one big park facility and within it are: the hall of champions, the Indianapolis zoo, the Indianapolis State museum, a native American art museum, gardens, the White River, the Imax, and fields and picnic areas. Across the street are the RCA Dome (home of the Colts), and Victory Field. Within 5 minutes are Conseco Field House (the Pacers) and the capitol building. Dear Indianapolis, Your city is very convenient. Love, Etan.
• One weakness in our planning – we got there about 20 minutes before closing
• One strength in our planning- they had already shut down the register so we went for free.
• It was very interactive- more so than any other museum we have seen, including:
• Watching clips of many NCAA championship games
• Listening to different school theme songs
• Trying on different sports equipment
• A pitch area with mile-per-hour measurements. (mid to low 60s, in case you were wondering our range)
• A basketball court you can play on that also marks the spot of famous shots such as Bryce Drew, Christian Laettner, Jordan and Tyus Edney.
• It’s really a fun place… If you ever end up there, give it more time.

Superhero Museum
I have little to say about this only because it is pretty mediocre right now. The museum (read as “one weird room in the back of another weird room”) opened in April and is still pretty small. It also only commemorates Batman and Superman right now. If there’s anything I learned from watching super hero movies it is not to piss these people off. They should think about enshrining many more people ASAP.

They have a lot of television and film memorabilia, so if you are a big fan of Lois and Clark, Smallville, or the 1960s Batman TV series… this may be the place for you.

That’s all for Indiana, I just want to try to give you a visual of it. Indiana looks like Indiana but with less houses and more corn. Hope that helps.

Wednesday… Louisville